Date jokes
You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.