Date jokes
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.
What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 💀💀
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
Why is 10 afraid? Because it is in the middle of 9/11.
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Why was ten scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
What is the best Catholic dating app?
Grinder.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."