It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
your hairline goes back so far it dated zeus
Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.
I could never date a midget.
We would never see eye to eye.
Me, (AHAHAHA IM A JOKE AHAH Criii) ANyone wanna date>lol
went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.
What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 💀💀
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
Why is 10 afraid? Because it is in the middle of 9/11.
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
Why was ten scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."
