Date

Date Jokes

Girlfriend

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

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  • Butcher

    I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

    She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

    Birthday

    People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.

    Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."

    Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."

    Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."

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  • Man

    What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

    What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

    Illegal immigrant

    How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

    If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

    9/11

    Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.

    What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

    Body

    A woman went out on a date and said, โ€œIโ€™m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.โ€ The man responded, โ€œWanna show me? ๐Ÿ˜โ€ The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, โ€œTake a look.โ€

    Emo girl

    Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

    9/11

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    9/11.

    9/11 who?

    You said that you would never forget!

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  • Rape

    Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

    Nothing

    I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

    She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

    Name

    Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."