Date jokes

So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

He then told me how easy would that be?

I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

What do you call butter without an expiration date?

A miracle butter, because wow!

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?

She can't identify you.

Your hairline goes back so far, it dated Zeus.

Hello, I'm Ariana. I'm looking for someone. Anyone wanna date me?

Ariana

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”

If 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9, why is 10 scared?

(10 is in between 9/11)

Why was 10 scared?

Because he was in-between 9-11.

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

Me, (AHAHAHA IM A JOKE AHAH Criii) Anyone wanna date? Lol.

I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...

Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.

The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?

Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.