Date jokes

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."

Why is 6 scared? Because 7 8 9.

Why is 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

11/9 is opposite day. The towers fall on the planes instead of 9/11, way.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!

Why did 10 kill itself?

Because it was between 9/11.

I wanna date you.

Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.

Boy/girl: I love you.

Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.

The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*

Me: 911. You: You died 9/11.

Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?

Why not?

Too old.

A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."

7-Eleven

8-Eleven

9/11

My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.