Date jokes

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?

Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same.

I find this website. I see this person named Gwen. I simp for her, but just for a troll. Next thing I know, we're somehow dating? Then her ex comes in and dates her again. Apparently, he is gay, and I'm pretty sure Gwen could be a boy, but he or she has 3 friends who always back her up, just to let y'all know this isn't really supposed to be a dating app or drama app, it's a joke app, and this isn't really a joke. But one last thing, you guys are all b*tches...

"Tj and Prince, I really think we should stop doing this date night, date fight thing on this website because it's driving everyone crazy, and this is a joke website, not a dating website, so I say let's just take this to Facebook."

Why were you born?

Because I asked out your mom on accident.

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

What do you call butter without an expiration date?

A miracle butter, because wow!

What do you call an emo dating another emo?

The suicide duo.

Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?

Because he thought that she would leave him too.

Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.

Why was 10 scared because it was in the middle of 9/11?

Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?

They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.

9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

Why did 10 kill itself?

Because it was between 9/11.

What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?

She was date raped.

What's the best part about duck tape?

It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"

It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.