Date Jokes

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.

A couple is on their first date.

Man: How do you feel about sex?

Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?

Because there were only 20 of them.

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!

Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

This is the log reference. Use it to post your logs. Logs can be posted by Info Gatherers or Announcers.

/{[(Log date) -Month- -Year- -Day-] -Log Title- } "-Log Information- " End of Log

Thank you, -Connor

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

How does Hellen Keller meet men?

She goes on blind dates.

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!