Date jokes
Q: Why was 10 afraid?
A: Because he was always between 9/11.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
So we all know why 6 was afraid of 7, because 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? It was in between 9/11.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
What's the best part about duck tape?
It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"
It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.
USA: "Never forget 9/11."
Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"
You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.
When you're born on 4/20/69...
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
Blossom: Why are we dating the Rowdyruffs when we're technically siblings?
Bubbles:...
Buttercup: I don't know, but those people over there are lookin' at us weird.
Alabama: 😈
Why did 10 have trauma?
Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.