Date jokes
Their family portrait is also a dating app.
Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
A girl is meeting this Muslim for a date, and she asks him, "So are you Indian?"
And the Muslim goes, "No, bitch, I ain't 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11!"
Just ask for a hotspot on September 9, 2001, you'll know.
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.
I could never date a midget.
We would never see eye to eye.
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
In Junior High, we had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood the report and wrote about how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.