Dark Humor
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.
What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?
The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.
I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.
Onions was a good dog.
What were the balloon's last words to his Father?
"Watch me, Pop!"
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?
A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
What part of a vegetable can’t you eat?
The wheelchair. 😑
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What was the last thing going through the 9/11 victims' minds?
They don't say "shit for brains" for nothing. 🤣🤣
Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?
A: Eat my dust.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?
They both squeal when you throw them.