Dark Humor

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

"Say what you want about the deaf."

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

Bros over hos.

What part of a vegetable can’t you eat?

The wheelchair. 😑

My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.