Dark Humor

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.

That’s like 20 years from now, I said.

He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.

Onions was a good dog.

What were the balloon's last words to his Father?

"Watch me, Pop!"

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home.

Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

Bros over hos.