Dark Humor

Dark Humor

Baby

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

Orphan

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home.

Friend

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Man

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

Japan

Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.

Ash

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

Hotline

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

Cop

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

Comedian

Canada

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

Doctor

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

Emo kid

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

Race

Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?

A: Eat my dust.