Dark Humor

What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?

A knife at least has a point.

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.

That’s like 20 years from now, I said.

He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.

Onions was a good dog.

What were the balloon's last words to his Father?

"Watch me, Pop!"

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.