Dark Humor

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.

But then why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9 and 11.

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."

Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.

The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.

That’s like 20 years from now, I said.

He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?

I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.

What part of a vegetable can’t you eat?

The wheelchair. 😑

My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.