Dark Humor

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.

Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"

The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."

Stop ruining the jokes. It's called "worst jokes ever" for a reason. We all feel bad for orphans, but people like dark humor and joke about everyone, so quit being offended, please.

I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!

Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.

What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini.

What is red and very rare?

A child in a blender.

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

How many babies does it take to light up a basement?

I don't know, my basement is still dark.

1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.

2: I'm dying, finally.

3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.

On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/

What does a baby in a blender look like?

I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

or

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.

A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?

They’re both hanging in the closet.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.