Dark Humor

What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

How do you make a dead baby float?

1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.

If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.

What's the best part about having emo grass?

It cuts itself!

My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.

I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."