Dark Humor

If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.

What's the best part about having emo grass?

It cuts itself!

My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.

I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."

Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

Become an anti-furry for free KFC and dead orphans in your basement.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.