Dark Humor

Become an anti-furry for free KFC and dead orphans in your basement.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

What’s the difference between air and a six year old?

Air has resistance.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.

Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.

Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"

The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."

Stop ruining the jokes. It's called "worst jokes ever" for a reason. We all feel bad for orphans, but people like dark humor and joke about everyone, so quit being offended, please.

I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!

Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.

What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

What is red and very rare?

A child in a blender.

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

or

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.