Dark Humor

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.

How do you make a dead baby float?

1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.

If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.

What's the best part about having emo grass?

It cuts itself!

I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."