My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."
Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
