Dark Humor
What's the most common thing between Hitler and an emo?
Hitler knows when to kill himself!
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.