Dark Humor
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
Memes
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.
Guess what? It had no home button.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.