Dark Humor

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.

Guess what? It had no home button.

What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?

They are both twisted.

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.

What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?

They’re both hanging in the closet.

More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?

One actually finished a race.

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.

Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?

The quiet kid: Splosion.

Teacher: What comes after A?

The quiet kid: AK-47.

Teacher: Faints.

What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?

A microwave won't brown your meat.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

What's a priest's favorite toy?

A mute little boy.

Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?

A. Cut the rope.

How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.