Dark Humor
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
What's big and yellow...?
A bus full of kids.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
What's the difference between dark humor and normal humor?
Normal humor is ten babies and one trash can.
Dark humor is one baby and ten trash cans.
Scroll down for explanation.
Ten babies in one trash can; one baby in ten means that the baby was chopped up.
Why did the mailman die?
'Cause everyone dies.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
What's it called when a Black person makes a joke? A joke, you racist.
JK, dark humor.
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
What constellation has no hair at all?
Cancer.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Suicide.
Suicide who?
Suicide you.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.