Dark Humor
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
Joe Mama!
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
My humour is so dark that its life matters.
How do you get a million fans?
Just run through Africa with a bottle of water.
What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?
They never get old.
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!
Why did the kid named Jeff become gay? Because he grew up without a father figure. Hahaha, I love dark humor!
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.