Dark Humor
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.
Guess what? It had no home button.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))