If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.
My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Suicide.
Suicide who?
Suicide you.
