Dark Humor

What's better than throwing up a stillborn?

Making your wife eat it again.

A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.

"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"

The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"

The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”

Dick.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

What’s the difference between air and a six year old?

Air has resistance.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.

What's the best part about a dead prostitute?

The second hour is free.

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?

A. Cut the rope.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.