Dark Humor
Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?
A knife at least has a point.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Rope: Hey buddy! Want to hang?
Me: Maybe I can hang later...
Cock: Can I have attention from your Dad now?
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"