Dark Humor
What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?
He didn't open it yet.
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
What's the worst thing about 9/11?
All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.
I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
Joe Mama!
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
Stop ruining the jokes. It's called "worst jokes ever" for a reason. We all feel bad for orphans, but people like dark humor and joke about everyone, so quit being offended, please.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What was the last thing going through the 9/11 victims' minds?
They don't say "shit for brains" for nothing. 🤣🤣
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.