Dark Humor
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Death once had a near Chuck experience.
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.