Dark Humor

Dark Humor

Drug

"Just say no to drugs!"

Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

Body Count

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

"Wait, wha..."

"What?"

Baby

What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?

Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.

Kid

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.

Trash Can

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

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  • Baby

    How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

    Depends how hard you throw them.

    Orphan

    What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

    Suicide

    It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

    Cannibal

    My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

    Rope

    What did the rope say to my depressed ass?

    ~ Hey, you wanna hang?

    Date

    When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

    Emo

    I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"

    Kid

    Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

    Mum: See the four birds over there?

    Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

    Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

    Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

    Friend

    My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

    Pedophile

    A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.

    "Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"

    The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"