Dark Humor

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

"Wait, wha..."

"What?"

What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?

Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

How do you make an emo jump?

A cliff.

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

What did the rope say to my depressed ass?

~ Hey, you wanna hang?

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"