Dark Humor
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
What do you call a Chinese baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
who wouldnt?
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
What's big and yellow...?
A bus full of kids.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
Republicunts/Cuntservaturds.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)