Dark Humor
Q: Why can’t orphans be criminals?
A: They are not wanted.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
The depressed kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging!
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
Q: What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
A: Neither of them get to see their parents.
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
School shooting: Happens.
Foreign Exchange Student: Starts sobbing under desk.
American Student: "First time?"
Bligitty blot, bliggity blit,
You better not be talkin' shit. 🔫
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.