Dark Humor

Dark Humor

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The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.

That’s like 20 years from now, I said.

He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.

There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"

The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"

He said, "No, because you're black."

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?

I don’t like the taste of broccoli.

I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.