Dark Humor
Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?
Brother: Sure.
Me: Turn off the light.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?
Wrong тайминг.
Alright, what do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
What was Juice WRLD's favorite store?
Forever 21.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?
A: Eat my dust.
Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.
I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?
Because the Africans couldn't swim.
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.
Speed.