"Most Deadly Sport" Playing chicken with a Train!
Commander: "Fire a warning shot" Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher" Commander: "potato, potato, just fire" Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school* Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby.
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
My friend: you ever feel like life is pointless *drives faster* Me: yea- My friend: if you could die with one person who would it be? *speeds up more* Me: H-hey you should slow down! slow down slow down! were about to-
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Last week I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a BALL. I wondered where it came from but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you Penaldo for almost killing me!
You know a parana can devour a small child in 30 seconds Any way I lost my job at the aquarium today
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dads corpse holding a jug of milk.
I got a phone call from a guy labled 'assassin' saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w-
*gunshot*
i was playing laser tag with my ex, but i (wink) didn't realize i had a real gun
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette and one's mind will be blown away.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere
The fact that am high won't stop me from advising u😳😳 Don't plug ur phone while charging it is very dengeros 🤣🛌
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your sibblings. (Put the knives away >:)
I got in trouble at school today bc I played the knife game with a pair of scissors but I couldn't flip them off bc I was missing that finger.
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
Are you happy to see me or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and detonator in your hand?
