Danger jokes

Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.

Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.

1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.

What is yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

I Googled "How to start a Wildfire." It gave me 28,452 matches.

What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

The Mikey Jackson club.

How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.

Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.

"Most Deadly Sport"

Playing chicken with a train!

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?

They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.