Danger jokes
When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
Why did the blonde run outside naked?
She thought the steam was a gas leak.
Why is it bad to climb a tree?
You might fall on an orphan! 🫥
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.
Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common? They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
*School Shooter Walks In*
That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.
Why do people want to jump off buildings?
Because they want to become Superman.