Danger jokes
I was looking forward to some toast...
So I took the toaster in the bath with me.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
Why don't you take emo skydiving?
They cut the rope.
Spongebob: Easy now, you try first. Get a jar.
Patrick: *picks up nuke*
Spongebob: Patrick, that's a nuke!
Patrick: Yes.
Nuke: *boom*
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
I am the danger.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
That’s all sweetie!
What did one twin say to the other?
"Watch out for the plane!"