What’s worse than running with scissors? Scissoring With the runs
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour? Stopping it with a pitchfork.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, „My friend is dead! What can I do?“. The operator says „Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.“ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says „OK, now what?“
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way
(Me) Hey bro tell me a joke! (My friend) Your mom *Starts Laughing* (Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him* At this moment he knew he fucked up.
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be? In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
What do you call a monkey in a mine field? BaBOOM
Got kidnapped in Iran Luckily iran
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark
You walk in to a old ran down house and you see that a light is on you walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room and you run to the exit to leave but when you get to the door somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go in to the house more and you see another room with a light on so you go in when you go In “flip” all the light go off then yo7 see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says “let the game show begin” yiu see other people next to you and they seem scared then a wall comes down yiu see a optical cores and yi7 go on and then a chainsaw comes at yiu and it misses you but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies
Part two comeing soon this is inspired by the scp foundation have a nice summer
The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar. The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu and in the 9/11 something very dangerous flu.
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday. But, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
What weighs 5 oz and is very dangerous.
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings to words. "Sally, can you tell me what beautiful means?" Sally: "You.." Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what malicious means?" Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus." Teacher: "Great job Andrew! Now, what does fat mean? Johnny?" Johnny: "A pig." Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini-" Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
so once upon a time there was a man who lived in his house with his wife
he got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him
not even 4 seconds later he came back inside panicking, saying "there's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
the wife replied "oh don't worry rabbits don't have guns they can't shoot people- you must be imagining things"
the man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again
so he stepped outside the front door and the rabbit shot him
spongebob: easy now you try first get a jar patrick: *picks up nuke* spongebob: patrick that's a nuke patrick: yes nuke: *boom*
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!" Soldier: "Let's clear the field!" Officer: "Ok!" *silence*
*explosion*
If you spin a fidget spinner You'll end up spinning it too fast when you end up spinning it too fast It will make you fly away when you fly away you'll end up in a tree when you end up in a tree You'll see that your friends are hanging out without you When you see that your friends are hanging out without you You'll run away in the woods because your sad When you ran away in the woods you'll see a bear when you see a bear it will chase you when the bear chases you you'll build a fort to protect yourself when you build a fort to protect yourself You than notice your lonely You'll become friends with the bear When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear when you start to act like a bear You will become a bear DO NOT BECOME A BEAR NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER
