Danger jokes
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.