How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
Danger Jokes
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
