Dad Jokes

Once my dad left to get milk then I realized we own a cow.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Girl 1: Dad, why is my name rose? Dad: because a rose landed on your head. Girl 2: Hey dad, why is my name daisy? Dad: because a daisy landed on your head. Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr! Dad: Oh, Hey Brick!

Your dad never needed a van for you.

I was trying to poison santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(

How come I have a father but not a dad?

He was a priest.

Can you make me a bowl of cereal, oh wait you dad never came back with the milk

One day little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parent's bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing he said playing cards, Little Johnny said who is your partner? dad said his mom on his way up he passed by his sisters room and noticed sheets Bouncing around and asked what she’s doing she said playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul. Next day dad came to ask Johnny a questions The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing he said playing cards. His dad asked him who is his partner was little johnny said you don’t need a partner if you have a good hand

can we stop talking about 911 i lost my dad in it

he was a great pilot

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-

Dad and Mom: we don't want him

Orphan: And I took that, Personally-

My credit card is more declined the the love from my dad

My dad told me that his dreams were shatterd a few years ago

Then i asked him how many years ago

He replied with ”when were you born?”

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone. Then, the birthday boy said "Hey, he's like my dad." "Really" asked a little girl? "I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."

Girl playing outside: step on a line and you break your mommy's spine She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming

Girl playing outside :step on a crack and you break daddy's back She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming

The husband starts celebrating gets in the car and starts to drive away

The son comes outside and steps on a crack

The dad then dies in a car crash

Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked "how many of you guys are trump fans?" since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well except little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "why are you being different again Johnny....." so little Johnny says "well because im a democrat. My mom is a democrat and my dad is a democrat, so im a democrat!" so then the teacher responds with "well what if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot what would that make you?" well little Johnny says, "a trump fan!"