Dad jokes

Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.

Dad: What's boofa?

Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

My dad coming back.

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.

Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher. What?

Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

Teacher. Why water?

Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.

I will always remember my dad's last words....

"15 dollars and I'll jump."

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.