Dad jokes

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

My dad coming back.

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.

Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher. What?

Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

Teacher. Why water?

Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

I will always remember my dad's last words....

"15 dollars and I'll jump."

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.