Dad jokes

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Woman!"

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.

Why can't an orphan have milk?

His dad didn't come back with the milk.