Dad jokes

What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?

My dad hates them both!

Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I mist you!

Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?

What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?

My dad left me.

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?

12 year old me: Yeah!

Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?

Me: What?

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.

BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA

ALAKBAR

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?

Unfortunately, many soles were lost.

Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.

How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.

What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.

What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.

Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

Mom: Okay......

Dad: He's grounded.

Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

Mom: Soon honey, soon....

Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.