Dad jokes

What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?

My dad hates them both!

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?

12 year old me: Yeah!

Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?

Me: What?

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

Why can't two Chinese make a white baby?

Because two Wongs don't make a white.

I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."

Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?

You were born out of your dad.

What's small, stupid, and has no dad?

Ben.

Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I mist you!

Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

My dad left me.

What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?

A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."

What do you say to the orphan?

"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.