Dad jokes
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?
I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.
My dad was one hell of a pilot.
Grandpa was a hell of a planner.
Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?
Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.
Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?
My dad hates them both!
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
Your dad is gone.
Why can't two Chinese make a white baby?
Because two Wongs don't make a white.
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
You were born out of your dad.
My dad left me.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
What's small, stupid, and has no dad?
Ben.
Evan, me and your mom are done with you.
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"