Dad jokes
I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?
He said “Wynaut.”
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their way to the store to see their dad.
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
My dad died in 9/11....
He was a good driver.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
Why can't orphans play soccer? Because they can't practice with their dad.
I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.
I had a dad.
I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
I wish my dad was home. I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008.
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?
He should just go to his mom and dad!
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Why is my dad gone?
I don't know.