Dad jokes
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
2023- my dad is a cop.
1800- my dad owns your dad.
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Unfortunately, many soles were lost.
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?
One can feed a family.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."