Dad jokes
Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.
BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA
ALAKBAR
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
2023- my dad is a cop.
1800- my dad owns your dad.
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Unfortunately, many soles were lost.
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.