Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.
That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Dad: What did your older brother say before he lost his virginity?
Son: Dad, please don't.
Dad: Exactly.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
Rapunzel's hair is longer than your dad's existence.
What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?
About 15 stone.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
Why do orphans hate dad jokes? They never return
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
How do you know if your sisters on her period?
Your dads dick tastes funny.
What’s worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dads wedding ring inside her.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
