Cut jokes

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?

A cutting board.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression, It would cut itself.

Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

Why do emos cut their arms? Because they can't cut the rope.

Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.

Real emo: same.

Fake emo: another piece of cake.

I wish I had emo nails,

So they could cut themselves.

What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?

"I like ya cut G" means two different things.

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

Why was the emo kicked out of the Carnival? Because he was cutting in line.

Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,

"Peter, Peter come to me!"

So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.

"Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,

"Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.

"Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"

What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"

The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."

The circular saw would reply with, "What?"

What did the emo say to the popular kid?

"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."