Crime jokes
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
Dont get mad when i post it on Average_Ohion cuz this is my alt im Average_Ohion
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
Joker gives Batman a phone.
Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."
Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.