Crime jokes
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.
PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂
Q. When is it bedtime at Jeffrey Epstein's house? A. When the big hand touches the little hand.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.
What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Joseph Rosenbaum died doing what he loved: chasing minors.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).