Crime jokes
Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
Dont get mad when i post it on Average_Ohion cuz this is my alt im Average_Ohion
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
Joker gives Batman a phone.
Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."
Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.