Crime jokes

Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.

If abortion is murder, is jerking off genocide?

What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?

Catholics are registered sex offenders.

Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

A high school pill party.

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

Why are orphans so good at GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"