Crime jokes
Who robs and breaks into people's houses?
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian? The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
What's orphans favorite game to play?
GTA5 because they want to be wanted!
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.
Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.
Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.
I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your bloody shitty cock on her favorite teddy bear.
What do you call a fat man with a rape whistle? Hogan!
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
Diddy and Hawk Tuah walk into a bar. Hawk Tuah says, "Spit on that thang!" Only one walks out. 💀
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
Why did the influencer terrorist get arrested?
Because his TikTok blew up...
Do you know why in France there is a cheese named "fromage à râpe?"
Because the cheese got raped.
What is orange and will soon be wearing prison orange? Trump.
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.