Crime jokes
What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
A high school pill party.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
If abortion is murder, is jerking off genocide?
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Joker gives Batman a phone.
Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."
Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."