Crime jokes

Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.

What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?

Catholics are registered sex offenders.

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

Why are orphans so good at GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

A high school pill party.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

If abortion is murder, is jerking off genocide?

What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.