Police officers hope you’re a criminal. Doctors hope you get sick. Mechanics hope you get car troubles. But only thieves wish you prosperity. Weird?
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?” Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
My best friend was Was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one
What do you call it when Panera bread commits genocide Panera bloodshed
Have a pregnant lady murders someone does the child get an assist
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up that little shit wants to be gone down an alley
What do you call a black abortion clinic? Crime stoppers
What's a kidnapper's favourite shoe? White vans
imagine a white van. now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombre on and his arm out the window and on the side of the van it says free candy. but there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back
why does the please touch museum sounds like police touch musuem? because they gotta watch out for the pedos
the emo kid's mom went to jail cuz the kid was hung
What do you call a gangster involved with anime? A Cuz-Player.
I ran into a kid today now im in jail and i lost ma drivers license
orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be dissapointed
When babies kick their mother it'd okay but when I do it, it's a crime...
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him your life is ruined. So Jim took a picture of her and the next thing you know he said is NOW MY PHONE IS RUINED.
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Quilty or Not Quilty?
a blonde a brunette and a redhead are robbing a bank. the police are soon after them so they hide in a bunch of barrels. the police arrive and search the area, they come over too the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it, the brunette says "woof". "oh, it's just a dog" says the police officer and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. the redhead says "meow", "oh it's just a cat" says the officer then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden the blonde says "potato"
