Crime jokes

What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

Why are orphans so good at GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer.

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.

What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?

Catholics are registered sex offenders.