Crime jokes
Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
What did Pepper say to Spray?
"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.
What would Hitler be called if he abused women? Hither!
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
Do orphans love doing crime?
'Cause they want to be wanted.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
Cruel and unusual punishment.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.