Crime jokes

In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.

What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

Just trying to fit in.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.

Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"

Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."

Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"

Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.

What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?

- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...

What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven is a registered sex offender.

What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?

A: Free delivery.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you are in prison.

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.