Crime jokes
I am the danger.
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.
Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?
A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.
I took 7 coins from someone. He even came back from the dead to get them.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.
What's worse than 5 babies in a dumpster?
5 dumpsters in a baby.
What was the guitar teacher arrested for? Stringing a minor.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF file.
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
Why did the rapist not get sentenced?
Because rule 69 said so 🤣🤣