Crime jokes

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

Why did orphans want to commit a crime?

Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?

White vans.

What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?

A minor.

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.