Crime jokes

Don't be scared of skeletons.

They don't have the guts for murder.

A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.

"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

Why did orphans want to commit a crime?

Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?

White vans.

What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?

A minor.

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?