Crime jokes

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.

Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?

Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?

Optimistic.

What are the best shooting ranges in America?

Schools.

I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?

I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

It's statistically proven that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

I stole one's balls.

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.

What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?

A pedophile.

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.