Crime jokes
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."
Why do orphans hate Ted Bundy? Cause he's the most wanted.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.