Crime jokes

Q: Why did the cat get arrested?

A: He was caught littering.

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

What do you call a religious drug addict?

A crystal methodist.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?

"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?

Consensual Rapper 7.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?

Netflix and pill.

What is a pedophile's favorite age range?

9-11.

Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.

What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.

Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

Spiderman: "Yes."

Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

Spiderman: "Why?"

Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."