Crime jokes
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite snack? 5 year old whiners.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."