Crime jokes

What do you call terrorists in a wheelchair?

An RCXD.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?

"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?

Netflix and pill.

What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?

Consensual Rapper 7.

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."