How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?
Optimistic.
What is the most common crime in China?
Identity fraud.
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
I stole one's balls.
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
