Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
Crime Jokes
If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?
Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
What do you call terrorists in a wheelchair?
An RCXD.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
