Crime jokes
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
What are a pedophile"s shoes called?
Answer: WHITE VANS
What is the most common crime in China?
Identity fraud.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
Why did the baseball player go to jail?
Because he stole first base.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What's orphans favorite game to play?
GTA5 because they want to be wanted!
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson in a playground.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
Diddy and Hawk Tuah walk into a bar. Hawk Tuah says, "Spit on that thang!" Only one walks out. 💀
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
Who robs and breaks into people's houses?
What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?
You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?
Having to wait your turn.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.
Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.
Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.
Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.