Crime jokes
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?
Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.
Rape victims suck, literally.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free OnlyFans so I don't touch the youth.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?
C4.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
Why did your mum touch me? Because she was a pedo.
Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?
In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.
Hardest part about being a paedophile?
Fitting in.
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.