Crime jokes
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
What is George Floyd's pickup line?
You are breathtaking.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?
Tess: No!
Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!
Tess: Oh!
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.
These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
You call it a school shooting.
I call it an unfair shootout.
What does 9 and 36 add up to?
A life in prison.
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
What do you call a bunch of people near each other?
The start of the Hollacoast.
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."