Crime jokes
@shelby denver is a massive nonce.
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*
Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.
Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What does 9 and 36 add up to?
A life in prison.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just hacked the "chrime."
What do you call a bunch of people near each other?
The start of the Hollacoast.
I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?
Tess: No!
Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!
Tess: Oh!
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White vans.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know a pedophile,
And he says he knows you.
These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."