Crime jokes

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?

A: Free delivery.

The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

What's a rapist's fav position?

Missionary in a dark corner.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).