Crime jokes

What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

Just trying to fit in.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?

- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven is a registered sex offender.

If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?

What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?

A: Free delivery.

Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.