Crime jokes
Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.
What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?
A. There was a daycare on the other side.
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?
Because he has ALL of the booty!
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.