Crime jokes
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered sex offender.
If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?
What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
This is whats going to happen to all the junior high girls on here.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.