Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
What do you call terrorists in a wheelchair?
An RCXD.
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
