Crime jokes
Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?
A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
Why do orphans play GTA so much?
Because they can be wanted for once.
Where do rape victims live?
In kennels.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
Why did the CSI team have to go to the "Purple Rain" shoot?
Because they had to dust for Prince! hahaha
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
What's a convict's favorite song?
"I want to break free."