Crime jokes
The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Hangman.
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.
Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.
Kidnapper: ...
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her “crack” and sell it again.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
What is the difference between orphans and serial killers?
Serial killers are wanted.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?
7/11
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.