Crime jokes
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor.
How did Michael Jackson get away with it?
He's a smooth criminal.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.