Crime jokes
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
How did Michael Jackson get away with it?
He's a smooth criminal.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.