Crime jokes

What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?

Nothing, they both can’t breathe.

What's the difference between my basement and my garage?

One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.

People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.

What does 9 and 36 add up to?

A life in prison.

Who's Joe?

Joe rapes.

Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!

What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?

A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.

In a white van.

Alvin and the Chipmunks commit war crimes.

A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?

- A boner.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

What do you call a nut in jail?

A busted nut.

Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?

Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.

My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.

I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.