Crime jokes
Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Name one person who would take an orphan?
Michael Jackson, so they can play all night.
I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.
Memes
What's blue, red, and white and dead all over?
Trump's dead Russian mates.
I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
Why do orphans play GTA?
To make them feel wanted.
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?
Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.
What do you call a nut in jail?
A busted nut.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."