Crime jokes
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Joy.
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing.
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?
Dead.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?
Because he is in a prison cell.