Crime jokes

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?

Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."

What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?

"Face the wall!"

What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?

Getting the blood out of your clown suit.

What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?

...Rape.

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 3: LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

DISLIKE: When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering but you walk toward his gun; “I will finish what you started.”

Vote for the better joke.

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I have a gun,

GET IN THE VAN!!

People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.

What does 9 and 36 add up to?

A life in prison.

Who's Joe?

Joe rapes.

Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...

Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?

I hear they got six months each.

What's the difference between my basement and my garage?

One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.

ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!

What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?

A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.