Crime jokes
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
Why do pedophiles come in last place for every race... because they are always in the back (if you know what I mean)?
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."
Chris Benoit is like a depressed orphan because he killed his family.
I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."
Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?
Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.
Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?
He was not worth keeping.
It's the 1940s.
The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.
The chink gets sook chinged!
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
POV: It's a rapists' groupchat, not a joke section. And it's SAD.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.