Crime jokes
"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
Mohamed Atta would probably be pretty mad at these posts.
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Joy.
I gotta do terrorist :)
Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.
EatDatPussy445, aka Deyione Scott-Wilson Eason, aka Bryant Turman Emerson Moreland, is a pedophile, and he is in Las Vegas right now. Go, go, go, catch him!
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.