Crime jokes
I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.
It's impossible to rape a rapeist because rapeists want sex.
I never understood school shooting jokes.
I guess they were aimed at younger audiences.
Why do the police never catch the orphan?
The orphan is not wanted.
What is an orphan's role model?
Batman.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣