Crime jokes
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.
Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.
It's impossible to rape a rapeist because rapeists want sex.
I never understood school shooting jokes.
I guess they were aimed at younger audiences.
Why do the police never catch the orphan?
The orphan is not wanted.
What is an orphan's role model?
Batman.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.