Crime jokes
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?
Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?
You will have even more birthday parties to go to.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
When do you go at stop and stop when done?
I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?