Crime jokes
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?
The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
What is Batman's favorite food?
Justice.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.
Murder: Wanna play a game?
Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)
What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?
White Vans.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits till you’re 13 to come on your face.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.