Crime jokes
What is Batman's favorite food?
Justice.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.
Murder: Wanna play a game?
Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)
What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?
White Vans.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits till you’re 13 to come on your face.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."