What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
Crime Jokes
No such thing as peados.... it’s all nonce-sense!
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.
An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"
I like my girls like I like my wine.
12 years old and locked in my basement.
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?
A pedophile.
"Don’t be dumb, make sure she’s numb."
- Bill Cosby
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
Space therapist in between the e and the r.
The rapists!
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
