Crime jokes
What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
What did the cannibal say to the other?
"Can I practise on you?"
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered sex offender.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
Robber: This is a robbery, bitch!
Gunsalesman: No u
Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who knife-raped his wife.