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Crime

Crime jokes

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

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    • Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

    Guy: Robin

    Bank owner: Your last name?

    Guy: Debank

    Bank owner: Robin Debank?

    Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

    What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?

    One is Catholic and the other is a priest.

    What does a kid and wine have in common?

    Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

  • 0

    • Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?

    He's a small medium at large.

    An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

  • 1

    • What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hoe? A hoe can wash her crack and sell it again.