Crime jokes
What did the robber say to the clock?
Hands up!
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."
If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!