So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime? They were always using pyramid schemes!!
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
Child predators: "You're so six-y."
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Pedophiles smell good.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
What’s a peedophile’s favorite shoes? White vans.
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
