Crime jokes

What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.

What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?

Both were owned by their own kind.

Why do kids want to become cops?

They want to find the guy who touched them.

There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.

An orange jumpsuit that is :)

Not everyone is perfect. Just take Charles Manson, for example.

Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.

My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."

Little did I know it was just at prison.

Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.

I have a body count of 7.

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

Why did the rapist not get sentenced?

Because rule 69 said so 🤣🤣

Who robs and breaks into people's houses?

My brother likes his Vegemite so black, it stole our car.

Why was six afraid of seven?

Seven was a registered six offender.

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

What do you call a man with no legs?

Hangman.

Why did the orphan commit mass murder?

To be on top of the wanted list.