Crime jokes
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.
My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.
Cruel and unusual punishment.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
Rape humor is not funny. Like if you agree.
Joker gives Batman a phone.
Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."
Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.